yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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