Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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