By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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