nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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