I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
