I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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