I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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