In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
