Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Enjoy the penises
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
