k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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