he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
