I faked an abortion last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
