New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
