Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
