He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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