I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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