Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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