We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
a search helicopter?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
