My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
