you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize