can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
