thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
