and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
