I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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