The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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