Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
