i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
