Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
