It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
