So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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