i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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