I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
