I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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