It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
