This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
