I'm gonna have a badass scar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
