my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want nice things and good sex
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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