Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
