I got chris browned last night
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
