So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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