there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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