dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
