I'm so fucking centered right now
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
