the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
