life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
