best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
