In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
