After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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