Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
