words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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