so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
